Conversations from a backseat

Scene:   2000 Suburban, driving down a two-lane Arkansas highway.  Dad in driver’s seat, Mom in passenger seat, 12-year-old smartass boy in back passenger seat (the only one with a seat belt that works)(the other one is twisted and won’t retract)(because my kids won’t make sure it retracts when they release it)(gah)

Mom:  (singing along with The Judds) “Women like men to make the first moooove, touch ‘em like they used toooo. . .”

Dad:  Men like bl*w j*bs.

SAB:  What’s a bl*w j*b?

Mom:  (shoots eye daggers at Dad, wonders why he doesn’t burst into flame)

Dad:  (stammering) Uh, never mind.  I’ll tell you later.  When you’re older.

SAB: (after a beat) I’m older now.

Mom:  You’re too young to know that.  Your daddy was INAPPROPRIATE.  Now let’s move on.  (Starts humming along with Blake Shelton.)

SAB:  You have to tell me!  If you don’t tell me, I’m going to ask the FIRST STRANGER I SEE.

Mom:  No, you’re not.  Now shut it.  I’m not telling you.

Dad:  (giggles)

SAB:  Fine.  I’ll ask Mr. Calvin (Ed.:  He’s a dad on our team.).

Dad:  (snort)  (Ed:  Why is he not dead?  If looks could kill. . .)

Mom:  Oh, good heavens.  You’re not saying A WORD ABOUT THIS.  Now, seriously, I’m not having this conversation with you right now.  Shut it.

SAB:  Blah blah blah I’ll ask perfect strangers until someone tells me blah blah blah why is Dad laughing blah blah blah

Mom:  OH ALL RIGHT.  I’ll tell you.  (turns around) A bl*w j*b is when someone puts their mouth on your pen1s.

Dad:  (urp)

SAB:  (gagging noise) Aaaaack!  That’s gross!  Aaaaaack!

Mom:  Yes. it. is.

End Scene.

12

Party like it’s your birfday!

You’re the best, my angel boy.

Oh, and to add to the suckitude

this happened too.

Gah.

RIP

Angel
2000 – 2009

We’ll miss you, sweet girl.

I wonder how all these bloggers who make money off of blogads get away with posting only once in a blue moon. I have a couple who I *know* are making a livelihood off of their blogs but post like hardly ever.

Do they get paid per click on their home page? I could see that, people clicking away — fingers crossed — hoping THIS WOULD BE THE DAY there is a new post. But after a while the Internet gives up and stops clicking. What happens then?! It is a puzzlement.
___________________________________

My friend announced he is running for Secretary of State. . .in 2010. After I stopped thinking, “Wow, dude. Seriously? The primary is a year away,” I got a visit from a lady running for the Supreme Court. Is this an election year or Groundhog Day?

I’m pretty sure I posed like this on purpose

Such drama for a five-year-old.

Better be sure and listen close the first time

(I’m totally ignoring how long it’s been since I updated.)

There’s a “mommy blog” I read daily. In addition to her regular blog, she has an advice-column blog* that has become rather famous (at least in the Mommy Blogging community). She and her husband have two boys, and have been divorced for about a year. He ALSO has a rather famous blog*, and of course, they’ve chosen to be open about their marriage and divorce and the problems therein.

Which leads to some, um, INTERESTING posts, to say the least. For instance, she almost immediately started dating again (which was fine, they were divorced) and met a man who was “perfect” for her. Blah blah blah soulmate blah blah blah. This man lives far away from her (she lives in NYC and from what it sounded like, he lived somewhere in the South, maybe FL) and she wanted to move down to where he lives with her kids, and OHMIGOD SHOCKANDHORROR, Dad would not acquiesce! The nerve! So she writes several days of posts lamenting his selfishness (even going so far as to say, “I offered major, MAJOR concessions, but he likes his job too much here.” Eff him, apparently, and his happiness.) and even “taking time off” from the blog to wallow in the unfairness of it all.

He, on the other hand, hardly ever mentions the divorce (with regards to the boyfriend/move, he only mentions “going over things I thought we’d settled.”) only talks about the kids, his job, etc.

One of the things I’ve learned to be most true is that the only people who know what’s going on in a marriage are the two people in it. Except when you vomit your troubles all over the internet, I guess.

(*I’m not going to link them, but I’ll tell you their blog names if you want.)

To counteract the gloomy financial news. . .

this is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.  When I saw it on HBO for the first time, I laughed so hard my face hurt for two days.  Enjoy!  (and obviously, NSFW)

As Sheila says. . .

“Heartcrack.”

7-Up

Wow.   No 2009 posts?  I’ve been lazy.  Here’s seven “quick takes” (an idea I stole from one of the mommy-bloggers I read) to catch up on me and mine.

–1–

I’ve found that Facebook has helped answer the question of “If these people were such good friends of mine, why haven’t I stayed in contact with them for 20 years?”  Um, because maybe they WEREN’T such good friends?  I chatted with an old boyfriend for a while the other day and damn, I forgot what a pompous asshole he is.   Same with my first college roommate.  She made some sort of ugly comment about my status, and I thought, “Oh yeah, you WERE a bitch!”  Hehehe.

–2–

D’s  started working part-time (a couple of weeknights and some Saturdays) at the convenience store where he stops in the morning for coffee.  We had a couple of scary weeks where “No Work!” was looming, and he freaked.  Now he’s busy enough at work (for now) and doesn’t think he’s in any danger of being laid off, but enjoys working at the store so he’s going to keep on doing it.  I’m not complaining; any extra money is a good thing.

–3–

I wish I could get my cleaning lady back, though.  And the HBO/Showtime package we cancelled to save money.

–4–

I’m trying really hard to make sure I’m thankful for SOMETHING every day.  All last year I was “woe is me” and this year I’m going to change that.  I have a beautiful home, two great kids, a solid marriage, no health problems, should I really be whining?

–5–

H is taking his written driver’s test today.  I’m more excited than scared, though.  I can’t wait for him to start toting his brother to school and running errands.

–6–

D got a phone call yesterday wanting to know if he’d voluntarily do a nine-month deployment to Kosovo.  Are we still IN Kosovo?  (He said no.)

–7–

A’s baseball has already started with two-hour indoor practices every Friday night.  I’m sure they’ll be in the field soon.  I’m *so* not ready for all that again.  This may be our last year of traveling ball.